Directions: Choose the answer that best completes the sentence.
Well, if you view WSVN Channel Seven News on a regular basis,
you know two rather important pieces of information. For one,
Kato Kaelin is the most important human being on planet Earth
with a promising career in television as host of the Kato Kaelin
Comedy Hour, formally the O.J. Simpson Murder Trial. Two,
a) The National media is sensational (that's not a compliment).
b) The United States Judicial System is one large cause celebre,
replacing Barnum and Bailey's Circus as the greatest show on earth.
c) The entire American social structure has imploded, its hosts
assuming a cerebral capacity that debunks Darwinian Theory.
d) You have assumed the cerebral capacity that debunks Darwinian
Theory.
e) If this question confuses you, you may be saved.
That's right, each choice provided easily completes the sentence
correctly. Alert reader J___d B___e informed The Vulture Editorial
Staff that this question actually appeared on the April 1st SAT.
In fact, this was the only question to appear on the test. After
an hour of brainstorming, the Editorial Staff concluded that only
one real option existed for the average, concerned citizen: Kill
yourself. As Dennis Miller said so eloquently, "Lean into
the strike zone and take one for the team." And once all
these sorry twits have gone the way of Kurt Cobain, the staff
further concluded that the only viable option for people with
enough sense NOT to heed our prior advice was to read The Vulture.*
*The opinions expressed in this editorial do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the editor, but probably do. Furthermore, The Vulture's Editorial Review Board does not condone nor advocate the views expressed in the article, except where appropriate.