...Once I was a raccoon but those days are over now. This is scrawl and this sucks. My poor, poor, gerbil. I called her, my gerbil was a girl, I called her Olga. But those days, the days Olga and I spent together are over now and it is all my fault.
   She finally convinced me to take her out for a walk. I took her out of the toilet and dried her off. We sat outside on my front porch-step. Suddenly she started to sing. She sang so out of tune that I burst out crying.
   But out of the gutter came an unbelievable demon I can't explain it. He swept up over to me. His breath was like a cheeseburger. He ate at Burger King because I could smell it on his breath. My gerbil tried to run away but she couldn't. His fiery red arm, reached towards her. Putting her neatly combed hair in flames. She left me kicking and screaming. Thrown into the fiery pit.
   It quickly was over and all that was left was a clump of her hair, freshly burnt, and even that was taken away by a sudden gust of wind.
   God dam it! We were in love!

-Buster, Vulture staff